20 visits left

You think you have time.

Then you look at your parents.

Their hair is turning gray.
Their steps are slower.
Their pauses last a little longer than they used to.

It is subtle.
Until you start noticing it everywhere.

We tell ourselves:

“I’ll visit more next year.”
“I’ll call when things calm down.”
“I’ll be more present when life slows.”

But here is the math no one likes doing.

If you see your parents twice a year,
and they have ten years left,

You do not have ten years.

You have twenty visits.

That is it.

Twenty conversations.
Twenty hellos.
Twenty goodbyes.

Time is the only thing
you cannot buy back.

Not with money.
Not with success.
Not with regret.

One day, you will realize
the last time you hugged them
already happened.

And you did not know it then.

This is not about guilt.

It is about awareness.

Because love is not measured in intention.

It is measured in presence.

And presence, like time,
is finite.

So call them.
Sit longer.
Listen without rushing.

Not because something is wrong.

But because
something is precious.

Counting the summers

Older people used to tell me this all the time.

“Enjoy it while it lasts.”
“Blink and it’s gone.”
“You’ll miss this one day.”

I smiled.
I nodded.
I didn’t really understand.

Only now does it make sense.

You do not have decades with your child
the way you think you do.

You have a handful of years
when they still reach for your hand without thinking.
When play happens on the floor, not on a screen.
When bedtime means one more story,
and one more,
and one more.

You have a few summers
where scraped knees are cured by your presence.
Where laughter is loud and uncomplicated.
Where they run toward you, not ahead of you.

You have early mornings and long nights.
Days that blur into routine.
Moments you do not yet recognize as memories.

This is the season people mean
when they say you will miss it.

Count the summers.

Before the baby becomes a toddler.
Before the toddler becomes a child.
Before the child becomes a teenager
who no longer calls your name the same way.

The window is smaller than we admit.

And this season is not gentle.

It asks you to slow down
in a world that rewards speed.

To turn down opportunities
you worked hard to earn.

To accept that your career may plateau
while something else quietly takes priority.

It asks you to be away for work
while wishing you were home for bedtime.

To sit in meetings
while thinking about missed moments.

To measure success
in absences no résumé can explain.

It asks you to give up parts of yourself.

Quiet mornings.
Uninterrupted workouts.
Unclaimed time.

The gym becomes optional.
Rest becomes fragmented.
“Me time” becomes something
you schedule weeks in advance.

Some days feel like loss.

Not because you regret it.
But because sacrifice,
even when chosen,
still hurts.

So when your child calls you,
even when you are exhausted,
even when your mind is elsewhere,

Pause.

Many people would give anything
to return to that moment.
To hear that voice again.
To be needed so simply,
so completely.

This is life.

Not the milestones.
Not the photos.

This.

Messy days.
Short nights.
Trade-offs.
Quiet weight you carry.

Hard, yes.
But deeply meaningful.

And if you are reading this
feeling torn, depleted, or behind,

Hear this:

You are not failing.
You are choosing.

Mental health in parenting
is not about balance.

It is about permission.

Permission to be imperfect.
Permission to let some things wait.

So, fellow parent,
if today felt heavy
but you still showed up,

You are doing well.

Keep going.

These years are finite.

Count the summers.

Most of us only get about ten.

And they matter.

Right now.

How do you like your steak?

Those who know me know I like steak.

Eating, not cooking.

Lately, it struck me that a steak asks a question you cannot avoid:

How done do you want it?

Rare.
Medium rare.
Medium.
Medium well.
Well done.

There is no universally correct answer.
Only an honest one.

Rare is trust.
You accept the heat did just enough, and you stop there.

Medium rare is balance.
Warmth without surrender.
Control without fear.

Medium is compromise.
You want certainty, but not at the cost of everything else.

Medium well leans toward safety.
Fewer surprises. Less ambiguity.

As for me?

Well done. No red.

Not because I do not understand steak.
But because I understand myself.

After a life full of uncertainty,
some people crave tenderness.
Others crave clarity.

Neither is wrong.

What is wrong is ordering your life
the way someone else insists you should.

We do it all the time.

We stay in situations that feel undercooked
because we are told to be patient.

Or we overcook ourselves chasing certainty,
until what once made us tender disappears.

We call it maturity.
Responsibility.
Strength.

Sometimes it is just fear of choosing for ourselves.

Doneness is personal.

What feels rich and alive to one person
feels raw to another.

What feels safe to some
feels dry to others.

The mistake is not choosing rare or well done.

The mistake is ignoring your own signal
because someone else is louder.

So order your steak the way you like it.

Live your life the way you can actually digest.

Satisfaction does not come from doing it right.

It comes from knowing yourself well enough
to ask for what you need
without apology.

Order it your way.

Notice how it feels.

Peace starts there.

Well enough to show up

We like to talk about generations.

The Silent Generation learned to endure.
Boomers learned to push through.
Gen X learned to be tough.
Millennials learned to carry burnout.
Gen Z is learning to name their feelings.
Gen Alpha is growing up watching all of it unfold.

The commentary never ends.

But here is the quieter truth.

The younger the generation,
the more openly they talk about mental health.

Not because they are weaker.
But because they are less willing to pretend they are fine.

And regardless of generation,
one reality remains.

Mental strain finds all of us.

As a husband, a father, and a son,
I carry different responsibilities.

But they all lead to the same question:

Am I well enough to show up?

Not just to provide.
Not just to function.
But to be present, steady, and safe
for the people who rely on me.

That question pushed me to look deeper.

I watched the talks people skip because they are uncomfortable.
I read the articles we usually bookmark and never return to.

Eventually, I decided to undergo mental health responder training.

Not to become an expert.
But to become better prepared.

I learned that distress does not always announce itself as crisis.

Sometimes it hides behind competence.
Behind humor.
Behind reliability.

If you are reading this quietly,
nodding more than you expected,
carrying thoughts you rarely say out loud,

This part is for you.

You are not alone.
Your feelings are valid.

Struggling does not mean you are failing.
It means you are human.

And if you are well right now,
that is not a reason to look away.

It is a reason to be ready.

Learn how to listen.
Learn how to respond.
Learn when to step in and when to step back.

Consider becoming a mental health responder.

Not to fix people.
But to make sure no one feels unseen
when it matters most.

Pick up the call

It was on the news again.

A man known for laughter.

The kind that fills rooms.

The kind everyone calls “life of the party.”

He ended his life.

Another headline.

A famous influencer.

Thousands of followers.

Perfect photos.

Captions stitched with optimism.

She ended her life.

Another scroll.

A mother.

Sunlit family portraits.

Children in matching colors.

Smiles practiced and patient.

She ended her life.

And her children’s.

Different stories.

Different lives.

Different worlds.

One quiet pattern.

They all looked well.

More than well.

Capable.

Reliable.

Put together.

No one sensed the fracture.

At least, that is what everyone said.

Then another detail surfaced.

Their final words.

Not poetic.

Not dramatic.

Just quiet sentences.

“I’m tired.”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“I’m sorry.”

And something else.

Before the note.

Before the decision.

They tried to call someone.

A missed call.

Two missed calls.

A message left on read.

A voicemail unheard.

We will never know

what would have happened

if someone answered.

Maybe nothing.

Maybe everything.

That is the part that stays with me.

Not the headlines.

Not the speculation.

The silence.

We think distress looks obvious.

Tears in public.

Voices breaking.

Hands shaking.

Sometimes it looks like:

Jokes.

Overworking.

Overachieving.

Posting as usual.

Smiling in photos.

Sometimes the loudest cry for help

is wrapped in discipline.

And here is the uncomfortable truth.

We are not therapists.

We are not psychiatrists.

We are simply human.

Friends.

Colleagues.

Siblings.

Parents.

Often, we are the first door.

The first name.

The first number dialed
before someone decides no one is coming.

We cannot diagnose.

But we can notice.

When “I’m tired”

comes too often.

When “I’m fine”

sounds rehearsed.

When laughter feels forced.

When laughter loses warmth.

We can ask once more,

“Are you really okay?”

And wait

without rushing the answer.

We cannot save everyone.

But we can choose to be present.

We can be first aiders.

Not the cure.

Not the solution.

But the bridge.

The redirect.

The voice that says,

“You don’t have to carry this alone.”

Because sometimes,

the distance between a headline

and another tomorrow

is a single person who answered.

We may not be medical experts.

But we can learn the signs.

We can listen without judgment.

We can point toward help.

Maybe that is where it begins.

Pick up the call.

Ask again.

Stay a little longer.

Tell me more

Before, my child always asked,

“What’s that?”

Every tree.
Every truck.
Every sound in the distance.

“What’s that, Daddy?”

Then it became,
“Why?”

Why is the sky blue?
Why do birds fly?
Why can’t I eat ice cream for breakfast?
Why do you go to work?
Why do grown-ups look tired?

The questions came like rain.
Relentless. Curious. Honest.

And somewhere in between answering,
I realized something.

My child is no longer just pointing at the world.

My child is trying to understand it.

Lately, something has shifted.

Now my child tells stories.

Long ones.
Detailed ones.
Sometimes dramatic ones.

My child explains what happened in school.
Who said what.
Who cried.
Who won.
Who didn’t share.

Sometimes my child pauses mid-sentence
to find the right word.

Sometimes my child looks at me
to make sure I’m still listening.

And I am.

Because one day,
the questions will slow.

One day,
the stories will get shorter.

So now, when my child starts talking,

even if I’m tired,
even if the day has been long,
even if the story loops three times before it ends,

I say,
“Tell me more.”

Not because I need more details.

But because I need more of this.

More of the innocence.
More of the small confessions.
More of the way my child trusts me
with those unfinished thoughts.

There was a time
when I was the one explaining the world to him.

Now, my child is slowly explaining the world to me.

And I don’t want to miss a single sentence.

So I listen.

Because someday,
when my child's voice deepens
and the stories grow guarded,
I hope my child still remembers
that I always wanted to hear more.

Photo we almost didn’t take

We were in a rush that day.

We did not want to be late.
We did not want to end up stuck in a long queue at Disneyland.

My child was bouncing with excitement,
clutching his Lightning McQueen like a VIP pass.

I, on the other hand,
was mentally counting tickets, snacks, strollers, and sanity.

“Come on, we’ll miss the parade,” I said.

Then my wife stopped, smiled, and said,
“Wait, let’s take a photo.”

I sighed.

That sigh parents make
when they think time is more important than memory.

Still, I stood beside them.
Forced a quick smile.
One click. Done.

Hours later, as the day unfolded.

The laughter.
The rides.
The slurpee smudges.

That photo became my favorite from the trip.

Not the castle shot.
Not the fireworks.

Just that imperfect, rushed photo
before the fun even began.

Because it was not about the pose.
It was about proof.

Proof that we were there.
Together.
Tired.
Sweaty.
Happy.

We often think memories will make themselves.

They do not.

You have to pause for them.
You have to honor them
before they move on without you.

So the next time someone says,
“Wait, let’s take a photo,”

Do not roll your eyes.

Do not rush.

Just take it.

Before it melts

I used to deny myself small joys.

“I’ll buy it next time.”
“I don’t really need it.”
“It’s not practical.”

Until one day, my child pointed to the freezer and said,

“Daddy, let’s get the ice cream before it melts.”

Simple.
Obvious.

But it stopped me.

Because life, much like ice cream,
melts when you wait too long.

So that day, I bought it.

We sat on the couch,
messy and laughing,
spoons clinking against the tub.

It was not even the best flavor.

But it was the best moment.

And that is the thing.

We overthink joy.
We audit it.
Postpone it.
Try to earn it.

We treat happiness like something
that must be scheduled, justified, and approved.

But sometimes,
it is just about saying yes sooner.

So here is a small reminder,
from one overthinker to another:

Buy the ice cream.
Send the message.
Take the photo.
Say “I love you” first.

Because all of it melts
if you wait too long.