It was 5:42 p.m. when I typed the message:
“Hey, sorry if I came off too direct during the 1-on-1 earlier.”
Then I stared at it.
For five minutes.
I didn’t hit send.
I told myself,
“He needed that feedback.”
“He needed that feedback.”
Then another voice pushed back.
“I know it's private. But did he need it delivered that way?”
A firm delivery. Without my usual warmth.
I do and teach communication for a living.
I remind leaders that tone matters as much as timing.
Yet that day, I chose to be direct.
Transactional.
Focused on accountability, not connection.
It was meant to address repeated non-performance.
It was necessary.
I deleted the message.
Went home.
Slept.
Woke up still uneasy.
By morning, I chose the harder option.
I spoke to him in person.
He smiled, almost relieved.
“I was actually about to apologize,” he said.
That’s when it hit me.
Two people willing to apologize
can heal a team faster
than one person trying to win.
Sometimes the message you don’t send
creates space
for a better conversation.
Leadership is not about always being right.
It is about protecting the relationship
while delivering the truth.
And sometimes,
the strongest move
is choosing humility
over ego.